I was wondering if you might be interested in what I do with my time as an expatriate and if I have any sort of real life. I guarantee you that I do. Here is an example of my life:

Monday—

•Get up at 7:45 and feed birds.

•Sit on couch in coma while wife fixes breakfast.

•Eat breakfast.

•Go back to bed.

•Get up at 2:00 and eat lunch.

•Write a 650-word column.

•Eat more food.

•Watch Simpson's.

Tuesday—

•Get up at 7:46 and feed birds.

•Sit on couch in coma while wife fixes breakfast.

•Eat breakfast.

•Go back to bed.

•Get up at 2:15 and eat lunch.

•Walk downtown to shop. Eat ice cream.

•Come home at 5:03 and write column.

•Eat more food.

•Watch Simpson's.

Wednesday—

•Get up at 7:30 and feed birds.

•Sit on couch in coma while wife fixes breakfast.

•Eat breakfast.

•Go back to bed.

•Get up at 2:10 and eat lunch.

•Write a 650-word column.

•Eat more food.

•Watch Simpson's.

Thursday—

•Get up at 7:55 and feed birds.

•Sit on couch in coma while wife fixes breakfast.

•Eat breakfast.

•Go back to bed.

•Get up at 2:05 and eat lunch.

•Walk downtown to shop. Eat ice cream.

•Come home at 5:05 and write 650-word column.

•Eat more food.

•Watch Simpson's.

Friday—

•Get up at 7:00 and feed birds.

•Sit on couch in coma while wife fixes breakfast.

•Eat breakfast.

•Take shower early because maid comes on Fridays.

•Leave house walking downtown like zombies (no nap).

•Eat Mexican food in nice restaurant.

•Try to not to fart too loudly from consumed Mexican food.

•Get home by 3:30.

•Take Maalox. (Ate too much Mexican food.)

•Write 650-word column.

•Watch Simpson's.

Ah, the weekend! This is when we really wig out and do so much stuff that we are exhausted.

Saturday—

•Get up at 8:30 and feed birds.

•Sit on couch in coma while wife fixes breakfast.

•Eat breakfast.

•Go back to bed.

•Get up at 4:00 and eat lunch.

•Write a 650-word column.

•Eat more food.

•Watch same movie they played last Saturday.

•Write a feature article

•Too exhausted—turn in by mid-night.

Sunday—

•Get up at 8:34 and feed birds.

•Sit on couch in coma while wife fixes breakfast.

•Eat breakfast.

•Go back to bed.

•Get up at 4:08 and eat lunch.

•Write a 650-word column.

•Eat more food.

•Watch 40th rerun of The Lost World.

•Write a feature article

•Too exhausted—turn in by mid-night.

This is not as boring as it may superficially seem. If you will examine the schedule carefully, you will see that though it appears I do pretty much the same thing everyday the truth is I don't. There is variation in times when I get up in the mornings, get up from the naps, and when we come home from afternoon outings. This is an exciting schedule with much variety. It is an interesting life I lead.

What I no longer do as I did when I lived in the United States:

•Worry about terrorists blowing up a major U.S. city near us.

•Worry about my wife being killed by a drunken drive on Interstate 35.

•Worry about ice storms rendering us without power for weeks on end!

•Worry about keeping a hectic, insane, death-inducing schedule of mindless and meaningless events.

•Worry about all the worries in the Unites States that makes life itself worrisome.

•Worry

There you have it! The exciting life of an American Expatriate!

Doug Bower is a freelance writer and book author. His most recent writing credits include The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Houston Chronicle, and The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad. He lives with his wife in Guanajuato, Mexico.

His new book, Mexican Living: Blogging it from a Third World Country can be seen at http://www.lulu.com/content/126241

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