Since I bought my 2000 K12, I have been scouring the pages of the BMW LT riders website for all the information I can glean from them. I've done that for every bike I've owned since the internet was invented -- find a discussion group, get on board, and learn what I can about the bike before I manage to accomplish harm due to ignorance. The BMW group is great, full of information and experience, just what I need to get the most out of what I am already convinced is one incredible motorcycle.

But I must tell you, it hasn't all been joyful. Although I do express my sincere appreciation to the owners and maintainers of the site, and to all the contributors who have shown me what to look for and how to fix things, you should also realize that you've made me a nervous wreck. You've made my life a living hell -- a hell on wheels, so to speak.

I mean, how can I start up and ride my beautiful new K1200LT? I will only ride in fear. So many things to worry about...

I fear a mysterious haze will cloud my windshield, resulting in my instrument lights blanking out, my speedometer being too slow, and my radio playing static. I'm afraid I might get confused and put 880's in the crankcase, Dot 4 in the tires, and 15W50 in the clutch reservoir. Or worse, that I will inadvertently ask the question aloud to the group, "What's the best oil to use?" and find myself engaged eternally on a battlefield from which no warrior returns unscathed, and in which so many have died.

I'm afraid my brake fluid will become contaminated, causing my front wheel to wobble at low and/or high speeds, thus infecting my on-board computer with a virus and causing my highway pegs (J-Pegs) to turn to GIFS. I have grave concerns that the increased output from an amplifier upgrade will almost certainly cause my mirrors to fall off, and that in the process of turning around to pick them up off the roadway, I might kick my shift lever too hard in its ball joints. That is certain to make its rear brake screech loudly, I just know it.

I'm already convinced I have more options than money, and I know I can never afford to pay 600 bucks for a 200 dollar pair of armrests. But my more immediate concern is that my bike won't like its new battery and will start vibrating strangely at 4,236 RPM's. Or worse, flip itself off it's kickstand in a spiteful snit.

I worry and worry about what a MoDITec is, and I fear I may never find out. I fear I might not have one on my bike, and then I turn around and fear that perhaps I do. And I lost sleep last night playing with my own autocomm, and now I'm afraid I might be going blind, else my headlights are surely too dim.

These things are stressing me greatly -- so terribly, in fact, that I think I just need to get on and ride this beautiful bike, and abandon my fears. But I'm still waiting for the UPS man to bring my oil change kit.

Oh God...what if he doesn't get here...?

Ted Thompson

Ted Thompson is a freelance writer living in Harrison, Arkansas. More of his work can be seen at his website http://www.phfft.com or he can be contacted by email at invinoveritas@alltel.net

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