Peggy, mother of 16-year old Shauna and 11-year old Stephanie recently sent an e-mail sharing her success learned from Peaceful Parenting®.

Last fall I heard your Peaceful Parenting® presentation sponsored by my daughter's middle school PTA. I asked you a question and wanted you to know how helpful your answer has been for my relationship with my eldest daughter Shauna and me.

My complaint to you regarding Shauna’s recent behavior centered around her selfishness, her unkind words and deeds toward her sister and her apparent disrespect of her father and me. Your suggestions were not what I expected. Rather than the usual threats of grounding her or demands for better behavior, you suggested that I talk with Shauna during our "nice feeling" times together. When I told you we don't have those times any more, you said that this could be at the core of our problems. You suggested that I spend time with Shauna. You emphasized that I not talk with her about my upsets, but rather find something that we have in common that we could enjoy together.

I must tell you that I was very skeptical of this advice. I was afraid that I would give Shauna the impression that all that she had been doing lately was okay with me. But I also knew that I missed the loving relationship I had had with Shauna. So despite my concerns, I followed your suggestion.

At first our time together was stiff. I think Shauna was worried that I was setting a trap for her. But every week we make plans to spend at least one afternoon with each other. Sometimes we go shopping. Other times we might go out to lunch or take a walk in a local park. We don't have any specific agenda other than spending time with one another.

The results have been wonderful. I feel as though I know my daughter better now than I have in years. I also feel as though she better knows me too. Because I don't have any kind of an ulterior motive other than getting to know my daughter better, her initial resistance has melted into enthusiasm for our time and for our relationship that matches my own enthusiasm.

And as you predicted, the kinds of mean, selfishness that I noticed in her before has decreased considerably. Don't get me wrong; Shauna is not a perfect, obedient child. But she is nicer to every one in the family. She is more willing to pitch in and help me around the house. And recently I overheard Shauna and her sister laughing together.

Thank you Dr. Buck for your unusual advice. It was exactly what our family needed to get back on a better, more loving track with one another.

I'm delighted to hear of your success. Thanks for sharing your story so that others can learn from your example.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com
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