Loving your significant other doesn't necessarily mean that you will always agree on everything. But what happens when you and your partner have a conflict of interest over how to parent the children? Conflicts are bound to arise in any family or household.

From my own experience of raising four children and numerous disagreements with my spouse over parenting styles, a balance must be sought that serves the well-being of the entire family. In rearing my own offspring, my parenting style was more strict whereas my husband was a little more lenient. Of course, he could afford to be since the kids listened to him better than they did me.

My husband always felt guilty for punishing the kids so he would lift the punishment or lessen its length. If I grounded one of the children for two weeks, he would shorten it to a week. If I took toys away, he would give them back. If I said no television, he'd allow one hour of TV. As you can see, this presented a problem. When asking for something, if I said no, the kids automatically went to their Dad, assuming that he would give in to their whims. I began to feel that my authority was being undermined. I felt there was no point in me attempting to discipline my kids at all if my husband was simply going to override my decision.

When children are young, conflicts over parenting can give the child mixed messages. A young child may not understand why one parent says yes and the other says no. As parents we all want the best for our children but yet our ideas concerning how to bring about the best results can be many and widely varied.

Some parents don't want the reputation of being the "bad guy." They don't want the child to hate them. They may tend to indulge their children to ensure that the child feels loved and it helps the parent feel that he or she is a good parent. Some parents will rightly punish a child for a transgression and then go buy the child a gift to make up for the punishment. This is like admitting to the child that you were wrong and the child was right. If you were wrong then say so but if you were right, stand by your convictions. Of course, the opposite happens as well. Some parents are too strict. Where is that fine line to be found in fair disciplinary action? How can we resolve the conflicts and find balance?

Each parent is different and so is each child. What works for one parent may not work for another. One disciplinary action may work with one child but not with another. Taking away privileges always deterred my firstborn son from bad behavior but did not work at all with my middle son. As parents, no one knows our children better than we do so when one form of discipline does not work, it is up to us and our understanding of our children to try and find a way to better help them understand us.

Many parents are completely against physical discipline and rightly so. Physical aggression breeds physical aggression. Most parents try talking to their children. Yes, the good old lecture. Most of the time, lecturing gets us nowhere but there's a perfectly good reason why. Because we tend not to talk with our kids but at them. Talking with a child most likely is going to create progress whereas talking to them is going to impede any progress and may actually prompt the child to make every attempt to block our the lecturing parent. Furthermore, both parents should take an active role in the discipline of their children but they should do so as one entity. What I mean by that is that both of the parents should be in agreement before they approach the problem.

For example, if your teenage son took your car without permission you're going to be feeling a flood of emotions. You'll be angry that he broke your trust. You'll be thankful and relieved that he's all right but you know that he deserves some sort of punishment for his behavior. Before you go storming into his room ranting, raving and lecturing, take time to calm down, breathe and approach the situation in a rational manner. Discuss it with your spouse or partner until you are in agreement on how best to deal with your child's inappropriate behavior.

Remember, there are no perfect parents and no perfect children. Everyone makes mistakes; what is important is that we learn from them and that we work together as a family.

Darlene Zagata is a freelance writer and author of two books. She is a columnist and editor for the print magazine Moon Shadows.

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