In a perfect world, everyone would be respectful and respected; there would be no violence, murder, hatred, war, physical, substance or verbal abuse. In this perfect world, everyone would care about everyone’s feelings and accept one another for who they are and who they were created to be. Unfortunately, our imperfect world is experiencing a increase in bullying, which shows disrespect to its greatest degree.

I think we can all attest to some experience with bullying in our school years. We may have been bullied, been the bully or just the bystander. That could have been in a physical, verbal or social sense, but whatever the case may be, the affects linger long after the school years are over. The loss of self-esteem and self-respect may be lost and never regained. Webster’s definition of bully is “a person who hurts, frightens, threatens or tyrannizes over those who are smaller or weaker.” It is basically a relationship issue where interpersonal power is shown through aggression in a physical or verbal/ psychological sense. The physical type, obviously, can be in the form of hitting, kicking, punching or pushing and shoving. The verbal type would be of an insulting, threatening, harassment nature and the social (psychological) would be acts of gossip, rumors, or purposeful exclusion/ignoring. Unfortunately, the latter is more difficult to recognize as it is subtler, much easier to make light of, or ignore, but traumatizing to the victim.

Boys and girls are both included in the act of bullying, with 65% of boys and 75% of girls in high school reporting to being either verbally or socially aggressive. Most often the occurrence is between same-sex peers. The more severe the bullying or victimization becomes, the greater the chances of psychological problems. Playground bullies often transfer their abuse to other forms as they grow up, while victims suffer withdrawal and anxiety, eventually lashing out in angry ways.

A recent study in Toronto schools found that bullying occurred every seven seconds but teachers were aware of only four percent of incidents. Most often the by standers remain silent and 40% of victims have not talked about the problem to parents. 90% of bystanders find it uncomfortable to watch.

Bullying poisons the social environment for everyone, not only the victim and the bully. It shows a complete lack of concern for other’s feelings and total inappropriate use of power in social relationships, a ‘dehumanization’ of the victim. The negative behavior of these hurting individuals trickles into the whole community and one can only pray that violence or suicide are not the end result.

So why is this problem becoming more prevalent? Experts believe bullies are made, not born. Our society has become almost accepting of violence, whether it be in sports, film, TV, video games, or music. By the time a child graduates, they will have seen 8,000- 100,000 acts of violence in the media, so they become desensitized. As one father puts it, “we are raising our children in a toxic environment. If we can ban lead poisoning, we can ban media poisonings.” Unhealthy home life, where conflicts are resolved by force, can be a factor as well. Even unresolved painful pasts can bring on this negative behavior.

Experts believe that prevention is the best cure and that involves recognizing it, understanding it, and acknowledging it as a problem! Sometimes it is just a matter of the authority figure observing the problem, confronting it and taking necessary steps of follow up. Given the right skills and guidance, this behavior can be unlearned. Excellent prevention programs are being implemented into schools such as the “Positive Action Program”. On line programs such as “Safe Child.org/bullies” are set up through the Canada Safety Council anti-bullying initiative. Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868.

So, if and when Push Comes to Shove, what will you do?

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