"Lose the Losers" is one of the best dating tips for a successful relationship. The phrase sounds crass and cruel. After all, we’re taught that every individual has value, and that’s true. But this is different. This is dating. This is your relationship and your life. You don’t owe your dates anything more than courtesy and kindness. You don’t owe them a second date. You certainly don’t owe them sex-ever.

Moreover, when we say “Losers” we mean losers as in losers and keepers, not losers and winners. In dating, there are dates who are keepers - at least until they disappoint you. The rest are losers. The losers are people who may be wonderful human beings. They’re just not right for you. In some ways, dating is like fishing: some you keep, the rest you throw back.

When men and women start dating someone new, they often develop a feeling of obligation to the other person. If the date was polite and considerate, many women will fell that they owe the man another date. If he's created an elaborate, expensive or romantic date, many women feel obligated to have sex with a man. Especially if it's the second or third date, and the man has spent a significant amount of money on the dates.

That’s faulty thinking that gets people into trouble. There are many good reasons to continue seeing someone new, but obligation is not one of them. You don’t have to continue dating someone you have no attraction for. To be really happy, however, you do have to be true to yourself. Being true to yourself means being in a relationship only with someone you admire and respect. If a man meets your requirements and needs, keep him. If he doesn’t, he’s a dating loser. Throw him back for someone else to catch, and keep looking. Remember, a loser is not a bad person. Someone out there will fall in love with him and even marry him. The loser is someone who is just not Mr. Right for you.

Whether it’s the very first date, or the second, or the third, decide minute by minute, hour by hour, if this relationship is working so far. A man is a keeper on every single date until something happens to make him a throwback. You're just dating. You are not in the commitment stage. A man is a throwback at any point that he no longer meets your expectations for a long-term relationship.

If you want to create that perfect relationship for yourself, get yourself a keeper. The way to find a keeper is to lose the losers. Be choosy.

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Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

Click here to ask Alan a question about your biggest relationship issue http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm

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©2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
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