News and Society > Divorce > Deal With Divorce By Dealing With Anger
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Article rating : 5.00, 2 votes. Author : Gary Kelly
There is one very simple way to deal with your anger while going through a nasty divorce.
Divorce is a messy business. There is approximately a fifty percent chance you are divorced if you are over forty and reading this article.
Theories abound as it relates to the various stages one goes through while in the midst of a divorce. Some divorces can be easy and amicable, while others make War Of The Roses look like a Sunday school meeting on a warm summer day in August.
Having survived the first year of a separation / divorce, I can look back and see certain “moments” when I realized there was a fundamental change in the way I thought about a particular subject.
About five or six months into my rather messy divorce, I was having a particularly brutal conversation with my stubborn ex-wife. When I got off the phone I was feeling very upset and angry. Many unanswered questions swirled around in my head. How could she leave with the children? Why am I being treated like a deadbeat dad? How could this be so unfair?
Feelings of deep-rooted frustration constricted my chest. I recall looking at myself in the mirror and coming to the realization I had to get rid of the anger that was eating me up inside. The anger was killing me. If it didn’t kill me right away, anger would have put me in an early grave.
How did I learn to deal with the anger?
I learned to accept the fact that I was getting the short end of the stick.
There have been specific situations I have dealt with during the past year that have been completely unjust and unfair. The moment I learned to accept the mauling I was experiencing was the precise moment my life changed the most.
This philosophy is plain and simple to say, yet multi-faceted and complex to implement.
When you go through a divorce, both parties end up loosing. Unfortunately, the children often end up loosing the most. When you are faced with obstacles and barriers that seem so unfair during the course of a divorce, remember one thing – they probably are unfair. Chances are you are not being treated fairly.
We always do not get what we want in life. How we deal with the little surprises life has to offer us is the real measure of our character. During a divorce, some things will seem very unfair. Anger can be very useful but this emotion is best served left over during the main course of a divorce.
Yeah an ex might have screwed you but the important thing is to move on and forget about it. Recently I have spoken with a number of people with personal experience in divorce and separation. Most people have suggested to me, the parent with the most anger during a divorce ultimately ends up loosing. Children will be drawn to a happy parent rather then a parent filled with hate and anger.
If you have kids and are currently in the middle of a divorce, you would be well served to remember one small thing – don’t focus your energy on anger towards a ex, focus your energy on love towards your children. You will be much better off in the long run.
Gary Kelly is co-creator of the online dating website for golfers, http://www.DateAGolfer.com and http://www.PuttingForPar.com, a golf website specializing in personalized ball markers.
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