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News and Society > Marriage Wedding > Before And After You Say I Do
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Article rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Author : Penny Phang
At one point in your life or another I’m sure you’ve heard
horror stories about the stress of planning a wedding and
perhaps even about the dreaded post honeymoon stage of
a relationship. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be true for you
if you make a conscious effort to remember that a
relationship is a place you go to give. So when you find
yourself preparing the "big day" leading to the moment you
say I do, remember to keep the wedding planning in
perspective. Don’t become overly consumed with how you
can make your wedding day "perfect"--remember to enjoy
the process. Think of ways you can give your partner more
attention, and eliminate as much stress as you can from the
equation. Isn’t it perfect enough that you’ve found each other
and agreed to spend the rest of your lives together?
The stress of the wedding can be like that rock in your shoe
while you’re strolling through the beautiful country,
demanding all your attention and time, and keeping the two
of you from enjoying each other and tending to your
relationship. Keep in mind to plan past the wedding, not
just up to the big day. There will certainly be more to your
life than having put this wedding together. Yes, the wedding
day is important, but more importantly, in the larger picture
of your life, the wedding is only the beginning of your life as
a married couple--it is not the main substance that creates
a long, healthy relationship. What creates a long, healthy
relationship is what you do after you say I do.
Like married couples everywhere, you may find yourself
pressured by the demands of daily life: work, children,
finances, household chores and commitments to extended
family. When the pressure is on, always remember what
brought the two of you together in the first place. This will
help you to not take each other for granted, which can often
happen after two people have been together for a long time.
This does not mean the love is fading, but it does mean that
there is lack of effort. People tend to get lazy after a while,
because they feel comfortable and safe. This problem can
be solved when both people are willing to make the time
and effort.
Nurturing your relationship, enhancing it, and keeping it
flourishing takes time, which is all too precious for many
couples. Just because something is not urgent doesn’t
mean it’s not important. So take the time to have a regular
daily chat, turn off the TV and the cell phone and sit together
for a short time, uninterrupted and face-to-face, every day to
share your thoughts and feelings. Tell each other the little
details as well as the big news. Focusing on each other for
as little as fifteen minutes a day can make a huge
difference. You will both feel appreciated and heard.
Meet at the park for a walk, treat each other to a movie, have
a bubble bath, have brunch at a cozy café, steal each other
from work and have a quiet lunch, rendezvous after work for
a drink and an appetizer before dinner, commute together if
at all possible, dance in your kitchen. Whether you’re dining
out or having a picnic dinner on the living room floor, make it
special. It doesn't have to be expensive, just generous. The
anticipation of a planned evening or activity can be fun and
exciting, even if (especially if) you've been together for a long
time. By making a date, you'll set aside the special time
your relationship deserves and consistently rediscover the
romance that started it all.
Everyone is independent in their own beliefs and ideas
about things, so don’t expect a person to always see things
your way. That’s why patience is golden to a healthy
relationship. There are times when your partner will not
respond in a way that is pleasing to you, but this does not
mean you have to take it personally. Always slow down,
take a deep breath and think of reasons why your partner
may be acting a certain way. Assuming and jumping to
conclusions is always an unhealthy step to take because it
shows your partner that they are not entitled to act freely. It
shows that you automatically assume the worst of them
and this can cause them to feel attacked. Give your partner
some time and let them know that you will be there for them
when they are ready to talk.
You are the result of the choices you’ve made so far. So
remember to appreciate each other for the fact that your past
thoughts, words and actions have led you both to one
another. You found each other to inspire one another to be
even finer and more joyful than you would have been alone.
So don’t wait till special occasions like birthdays or
Valentine's day to get romantic--don’t stop the flowers,
surprise gifts, love notes, spontaneous adventures, hours of
talking and, you know, that other stuff. Use romance as a
way of making the "everyday" exciting. It doesn't take a lot of
money or effort--just a willingness to commit to making your
relationship special by paying attention to it. Just because
you’re now married does not mean you have to stop dating
each other.
Penny Phang is one of Canada's nominated Top 40
Under 40 business leaders, recognized for her
commitment to provide strategic business
communication and marketing services with inspiring
enthusiasm, creativity, and innovation. She is also well
known as the Producer for Playboy Special Editions for
Western Canada and Founder of Penny Best Jewelry.
In addition, she serves as one of the Board of Directors
for Global Reach Organization, and continues to write
for her monthly inspirational lifestyle column, Moments
of Inspiration with Penny on http://www.pennyphang.com.
Copyright © 2005 Penny Phang Enterprises, Inc. All rights
reserved.
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