There are five significant dimensions that can measure the health of a marital relationship. They are; respect, commitment, sharing, intimacy, and autonomy. When you read each one of them consider how your marriage ranks.

Respect

Respect requires self-discipline to control our natural urge to be first, right and decide all matters. Respect means that when important decisions are made each individual carefully considers his or her partner=s feelings and needs. Neither the husband nor wife dominates the other. Communication, which is the primary way that a husband and wife connect with each other, is with language that is soft, gentle and sensitive.

Commitment

Often the struggle to become "committed" revolves around trying to adequately separate from parents. Sometimes the "commitment" challenge is not with parents but with friends, siblings or even work. The litmus test is how your spouse feels. Ask them, "do you feel you are the number one person in my life?" If the answer is "no," ask them why. Once you have the answer, go to work and try and rectify the problem.

Sharing

Because of the unique position you have with your spouse, unlike that of anyone else, there are opportunities for sharing and caring that only you can perform. You should show your love and caring exists even when it requires self-sacrifice. In general, this means creating warm feelings between you and your spouse by sharing time and activities together. A feeling of friendship creates a loving atmosphere for a family to grow and prosper.

Intimacy

It is also an essential way to become close with another person. Listening is a very special skill that for most people requires practice and concentrated effort. The letters that spell, "listen" are the same letters that spell, "silent." Listening means suspending judgement, commentary and advice, in other words, be silent, while your partner is speaking to you. Instead of "your opinion," is validation, respect and understanding.

Autonomy

Healthy couples are a "we" made up of two separate "I's." Each person is a separate and unique individual having the strength to stand on his or her own two feet and choosing to share certain important parts of their lives together as a married couple. Each individual adds his or her unique colours to create a beautiful rainbow, each contribution adding more depth and richness. A balance of "autonomy" with "sharing" characterizes a healthy marital relationship.

Each one these five characteristics of a healthy marriage are supported or sabotaged by the other four. Too much or too little of any one characteristic can spell disaster. For example, a relationship with not enough "intimacy" can have the consequence of creating too much "autonomy” or a lack of "commitment" can preclude "sharing." Establishing a healthy relationship almost always requires hard work. Whether the work is just talking and listening, reading books on marriage, or going to a professionally trained marriage counsellor for help, the rewards are well worth the effort.

Abe Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T., is the publisher of Wisdom Scientific self-help educational programs. Abe is also a registered Social Worker, registered Marriage and Family Therapist, certified hypnotherapist and award winning educator. He concluded, after many years of clinical practice and research, that practical solutions requiring a focused effort of no more than a few minutes a day for very specific personal and relationship problem were critically needed. Wisdom Scientific publishing house has been created to fill this need. For more information or a free e-bulletin, visit http://www.WisdomScientific.com

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