Ask the Marriage Maven: Seven Marriage Spice Ups

Q. My marriage is getting pretty dull. My husband and I are going through a low point where everything seems to be pretty boring. What are some things that we can do to spice up our marriage?

D.M.

A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.

1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It’s okay if you’re the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you’ll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you’ve made, especially if you don’t point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.

2) I can’t say it enough, turn off the T.V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.

3) Date each other as if you weren’t married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you’re meeting for the first time—or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.

4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a

5) Make a point to have a “second” honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can’t get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.

6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don’t hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.

7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your “me” time is in moderation, you’ll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.

Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.Married4Good.com Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.

Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage and relationships which will be published Spring 2006.

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