About 6 weeks ago I met a very nice man at a singles function. Using the skills I teach in Soulmate Success Training, I found out quickly that he is a passionate skier, likes smooth jazz, and good wines. I love all those things and so I made sure he had my phone number. We went out once or twice a week for several weeks and always had a great time. Joe is sensual, kind and considerate, and showed that he really cares about the welfare of others as well as respecting himself. He dances beautifully and is affectionate. Yet as the weeks went on, I noticed that he seemed distant.

Whenever I brought up something of a more personal nature, Joe would change the subject or say nothing. He had mentioned that he had been married once when he was very young and it ended after 8 years. That was about all the detail he gave. When I would try and share how I felt about something or even how I felt about him, I could feel him withdraw. When I asked him how he felt about a particular subject, he would not answer directly and instead retell a funny story of something that happened at work. I began to realize that maybe the reason Joe had been single since his marriage ended nearly 20 years ago, was not that he didn’t want a relationship, but that he was not able somehow to risk it.

Romantic love is risky. We all know that and so sometimes we try and play it safe by not getting to close. For some not getting too close can mean not getting close at all. But being unwilling to risk being hurt can be just as disastrous! When we are unwilling to risk and be vulnerable, to risk being hurt again, we can be assured that the other person will feel the distance. That distance will eventually sabotage the relationship and cause the other person to leave. Resulting in exactly what we were trying to avoid. When we are unwilling to take emotional risks in relationships we must settle for less fulfillment in our relationships and in life. That unfulfillment shows up as a generalized feeling of emptiness and that can be worse than the pain of rejection.

It was difficult for me to call Joe and tell him that I did not think that the relationship was working for me and I didn’t want to go out with him anymore. I could hear the sadness in his voice. Yet I knew that I would be setting myself up for more heartache if I stayed with someone who was emotionally unavailable.

I find that it is the fear of rejection, the fear of being hurt, and the emotional pain that comes with it, that keeps many people from finding and having the love they seek. When I work with individuals, many times we work on fear first. Once you have a handle on your fear and how it has been working to keep you from getting what you really want out of life, we can go on and devise a plan for you to get what is fulfilling to you at long last!

Coaching is beneficial when you are first willing. Willing to challenge your long held beliefs about love and relationships. Willing to see that there may be another way to date and mate. Willing to take risks. Willing to do something different. Coaching is the single most effective way for people to make lasting changes to improve their lives in a relatively short period of time.

Are you feeling empty? Do you find that you keep getting into the wrong relationships with people who are not available for love and intimacy? Maybe it’s time to take a closer look at the common denominator, you. Call me to set up a free, no obligation, intake session to see if coaching is right for you. Don’t spend another holiday season wishing you were with someone you truly love. Finding the love you seek is possible for everyone. But you’ve go to take action. You’ve got to do something different. Call a coach.

If you want more information on how to become more conscious about choosing a partner, call me to order your copy of Conscious Dating by David Steele, with the foreword by me, Deb Melton. You will love this book! It's full of practical advice on how to go out and get what you want in a mate. If you are serious about finding and forming the right relationship for you, you must read Conscious Dating.

Deb Melton, Singles Coach and Certified Fearless Living Coach lives in Denver and coaches singles all over the country to help them find their soulmate. Deb's philosophy is, “It’s never too late to find the love of your life and live the life you love! Deb also offers teleclasses and seminars on a variety of subjects for singles of all ages. Whether you have never been married or you are recently divorced, Deb's coaching and classes are interactive, fun and full of helpful information. Go to her website to learn more http://www.denversinglescoach.com

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