Many relationships end miserably. Why is that? Well it's largely because the foundation upon which such relationships are initially based is inherently faulty. Let me explain.

If you ever stop to reflect on the underlying reasons why many individuals enter relationships in the first place you will notice that the issue of having unmet expectations met is a key theme.

Unmet expectations essentially equate with "need"; the need to be loved, the need to end one's loneliness, the need to be cared for, the need to be emotionally supported, the need to be financially supported, the need to be validated, the need to feel secure etc.

When an individual feels that they are likely to have these expectations (i.e. unmet needs) met by someone else they start to feel excited and then make a fatal mistake. This mistake is that they interpret this "excitement" as feelings of "love".

Why is this a mistake? Well first of all it is because need and love are two very different things. In my view they are not only different they are antithetical to each other. A second and more serious consequence to making this misinterpretation will be discussed shortly.

When a "relationship" is based on "need" there is often an unconscious contract the individuals in that "relationship" make with each other. A contract that is rarely ever made conscious and hence is rarely ever discussed openly. This contract goes something like this: "I'll meet your needs if you meet my needs". The willingness to enter into such a contract is what many call an act of "love".

The reason the contract is never made openly is because if it were it would require each individual to be honest with themselves and with their friend/partner as to the reasons why they "desire" the relationship in the first place. Being honest however means being honest with one's self first and admitting to one's self that the underlying needs exist in the first place.

This personal honesty is feared however because with it come negative feelings such as shame, embarrassment, inadequacy, weakness, vulnerability, the fear of rejection and many more. Hence what tends to happen is that each individual finds themselves "lying" to themselves and to their friend/partner about why they want the relationship.

Well of course no lie will go undetected forever. During the course of the relationship, sooner or later, one or the other will begin to feel a sense of "emotional emptiness" or "boredom".

These feelings emerge after the initial "excitement" phase has worn off. These feelings are an indication that there is nothing else really holding this relationship together short of the "needs" that initially were in play.

In other words there is no "Love" between the couple. Additionally, when the boredom sets in there is less motivation to go on trying to meet the others' needs and this breaks the unspoken contract.

This is when individuals generally start arguing with each other and one hears such statements as "You don't love me because you're no longer interested in making me happy (i.e. meeting my needs)". This is when it "almost" becomes clear to the individuals that something has gone terribly wrong.

I say "almost" because this is one of the few times when the "needs" surface and the individuals have an opportunity to honestly address them for themselves. Unfortunately what happens instead is that the arguing caused by the feelings of betrayal and hurt distract the individuals from reflecting on the true cause of the problem and hurtle themselves into a distracting separation or divorce battle.

This distraction has many untoward effects. One is that, as I mentioned, it causes the awareness of the "needs" issue to become submerged thereby getting repeated in the next relationship. Secondly, and this is the mistake I referred to earlier, it causes individuals to blame "Love" for causing all the heart ache.

This leads one to build a case against "Love". When this happens a very interesting thing happens; a person becomes cut off from their own heart. If you have ever experienced being in nature you will immediately recall the sense of awe, peacefulness, expansiveness, connectedness, joyfulness, vitality and happiness that you may have felt there. These feelings, if you notice where you feel them inside you, I think you will notice emerge from the region of the heart.

This constellation of feelings taken together is the experience of nature "Loving" you and you “Loving” nature. Your heart is so in tune with this love that when it feels it it starts to "sing" i.e. you start to feel good as I just described. In other words these feelings "represent" the feeling of "Love". What's more they emerge from the heart region.

When one feels this feeling of Love, all "need" disappears spontaneously. That is because the two cannot coexist. The reason that they cannot coexist is because "need is a sign of the absence of this experience of love". Hence when you feel the love the need immediately disappears. Try this for yourself, go into nature, connect with your feelings of being there and notice what happens to the feelings of need.

So if we come back to the heart broken lover who is building a case against love and against their heart we will recognize that what they are doing is that they are creating a deeper feeling of need than was there to start with. This of course has the tendency to create even greater expectations (along with a much reduced probability that they will be met) heading into the next "relationship".

No wonder the same self destructive pattern repeats itself.

There is a way out of this negative vortex. It's called the Mind Resonance Process(TM). If you're interested in an introductory consultation kindly visit the web link below.

Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called "Spirituality And Science" (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of "Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation" (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.

Business URL #1: http://www.telecoaching4u.com

Personal URL: http://www.telecoaching4u.com/Spirituality_And_Science.htm

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