“True commitment comes from the heart and cannot be forced.” Charlotte Kasl from If the Buddha Dated

We seem to hear a lot these days about commitment. I hear from women that men won’t commit. I hear from men that they are ready and want to commit, but can’t find the right woman. I hear from others that even when you commit, it doesn’t ensure that the relationship will last. And then there are those who have been burned and never want to commit again! So what is commitment when it comes to matters of the heart?

Commitment comes on many different levels and cannot be forced. It must be allowed to happen naturally and gradually. What I notice with some of my clients is that they are in a hurry to get into a relationship and become exclusive within a few weeks of starting to date. This kind of premature commitment can provide a false sense of security that can only really develop with time and experiences together.

So what I am suggesting is that you do not commit to soon, do not get in a hurry to commit so that you create a relationship based on false security. When you allow the relationship to develop naturally at its own rate, you are showing confidence. Confidence in yourself that you are not a person who “needs” another to feel fulfilled. And confidence in your lover that they like you and love you enough to not run off at the first sign of disharmony. Confidence that says, “ I can give this relationship all the time we both need to explore who we are, what we both want, and to see if we have a good fit.”

When you do this over time, you also give yourselves time to go through life experiences together which builds your confidence in each other. With time, joy filled and challenging experiences are bound to happen. When they do, you will see how each of you handles them and how you handle them together. When this happens it builds a bond between you upon which your commitment to each other rests. And it is that bond that allows you to deepen your commitment to each other and your union.

So when is it the right time to commit? Commitment comes in stages. The first stage is dating exclusively and not continuing to look for other possible partners. This stage happens when both people feel sufficiently interested in the other to feel that a long term committed relationship is possible. “But how do you know that?” some of my clients ask. You know that when you have spent enough time together that you know that your basic requirements will be met. Requirements are more than a list of characteristics you are seeking in a partner. Requirements are the bottom line, those things that you absolutely must have in order to feel loved and cared for and for the relationship to work for you. Most people have a vague idea of what their requirements are, but it is not clearly defined and so they are likely to compromise here, especially if the chemistry is strong. Compromising on your requirements dooms the relationship to disaster.

In my Soulmate Success Training class we spend a lot of time on requirements. What are you specific ones? How do you identify them? How do you look for them? Why are they so important?

If you have been disappointed in love, or feel that others have not been willing to commit to you, or that you are afraid to commit but want a lasting fulfilling love relationship, you may want to consider taking my Soulmate Success Training class.

Deb Melton, Singles Coach and Certified Fearless Living Coach lives in Denver and coaches singles all over the country to help them find their soulmate. Deb's philosophy is, “It’s never too late to find the love of your life and live the life you love! Deb also offers teleclasses and seminars on a variety of subjects for singles of all ages. Whether you have never been married or you are recently divorced, Deb's coaching and classes are interactive, fun and full of helpful information. Go to her website to learn more http://www.denversinglescoach.com

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