I am 26 years old, and I am a virgin. However, I often wonder why everyone is so focused on either religious reasons or ‘disease reasons’ to serve as their motivation for being virgin. My reasons for being a virgin have changed and adapted as I have changed and grown. Some time around age 13, I decided to be a virgin because it was what the church told me I should do. I was raised Roman Catholic, and World Youth Day in Colorado (1993 - I was 13) had a profound impact on my life in a lot of areas, including my attitudes on sex. Sometime around age 16, however, I decided I wanted to live my own life and make my own decisions. So I started exploring sexually, and found out that I really enjoyed being sexually involved. Had I met the "right one" at that time in my life, I probably would have had intercourse. But at that time in my life, I never reached that ‘right one’ level with anyone and I’m glad for that. Around age 19, I realized that I didn’t want to have intercourse outside of marriage, for reasons I’ll explain in a moment. Even though I'm sexually active today, at 26, I still am a virgin.

The main reasons that I have heard people say that I should have intercourse are #1 because it feels so good, and #2 because it brings you close to someone in a way that nothing else can.

In response to #1, I usually point out how many people talk about how intercourse, sometimes, isn't that good. The reasons for this vary, but often it's because the male doesn't know enough about the female anatomy to be able to offer her physical pleasure during intercourse, or, the female doesn't know her own body well enough to know any better, or, much less often, the female doesn't know the male anatomy well enough to offer him physical pleasure. In any case, intercourse is often not equally enjoyed by both male and female.

In response to #2, I think it is true that intercourse brings about a greater degree of both intimacy and commitment. This “greater degree” is something which I do not choose to share with anyone but the woman who will be my wife, and so I will not have intercourse with anyone before I am married.

The reason I have remained a virgin, however, is more extensive than that. My most core values are to be someone who respects and values life, in all its forms, by my daily actions, and to always have faith that God has a plan for my life. (For purposes of this, I use “a higher power,” interchangeably with “God”.)

If I choose to refrain from all forms of sexual activity, I am repressing my own desires, which are given to me from birth, by a higher power. Without these basic physical desires, humans would have ceased to procreate long ago. Because of my trust in a higher power, I realize that these desires must have been designed for the awesome purpose of creating life, and so they are a part of who I am. To deny my physical desires is to deny a part of myself, and denial of the fact that I am human would ultimately lead to dis-ease.

On the other side, if I choose to have intercourse, I am choosing to create life. There is no 100% guarantee that I will not create life when having intercourse. If I decide to have intercourse outside of marriage, I can use a condom, and she can use other contraception, and there’s a 99.999999% chance that she will not carry another life within her afterwards. But to deny that .000001% possibility of the creation of life is still denial of the most powerful act of a human - procreation. To deny my procreative abilities would be disrespect. And if I deem as acceptable, that miniscule possibility that I would create a life, and use that as my motivation for being okay with having intercourse (as many people do), then I am saying that I do not care if I am going to create a life. But it is my responsibility to care for that life. This is a contradiction. It is devaluing the gift that I have been given to be able to create life. It is also devaluing the new baby (the new life) that I could potentially create by choosing to have intercourse.

I suppose some people will say that I am not a virgin because I 'mess around.' But for me, it's not messing around at all. It’s quite serious and quite fun! Being sexually exploratory has helped me to not be afraid of sex (as many people are after viewing those 8th grade STD slides), and to be willing to experience the beauty of what life can offer me; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Not having intercourse, but being sexually open, has allowed me to explore, without compromising either of my core values: to respect all life (including my own), and to have faith that I am guided by a higher power.

Obviously, I have spent a lot of time thinking about, researching, and making definite decisions about sex. It seems to me that in an educated society, a husband should be someone who knows his own body well enough to help guide his wife in her exploration of his body, and a wife should know her own body well enough to help guide her husband in his exploration of her body. In addition to that, a wife should know enough about the male body to be able to surprise and excite her husband with her ability to pleasure him, and a husband should be able to surprise and excite his wife with his ability to pleasure her. However, people often don’t know the amazing abilities of the human body, and how the body’s responses work, due to education systems or parents which treat sex as a taboo subject of both conversation and activity. It’s crazy to think that even into the 1970’s, some doctors, MEDICAL DOCTORS, told people that it was impossible for women to have orgasms. It’s also sad that the popularity of sex in movies, on TV, and in music, has led many people to think that sex is nothing special.

Sex is special, and sex does not have to be a taboo subject! Sex can be incredible and beautiful, even when it’s explored outside of marriage, and even when it’s explored by a 26 year old virgin! It can be a healthy and respectful place where both men and women can explore and learn about themselves and each other! This exploration can happen without compromising that “greater degree” of commitment and intimacy, which will ultimately be given to that worthy person in marriage.

Jonathan Kraft is a global traveler, identity theft expert, author, and became financially independent at the ripe old age of 25! You can find out more about his journey at www.strive4impact.com

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