What do singers and athletes have in common? Both need breath to fuel their performance. One technique they share for maximizing their oxygen intake is to exhale fully! When you exhale fully, you make room for new air to come in. You also create a vacuum that pulls oxygen in.

What does inhaling and exhaling have to do with giving and receiving? Both are cycles that establish their own equilibrium.

Once you exhale fully, you can't exhale any more. There's nothing left. Before you can exhale again, you need to breathe IN so you have something to breathe OUT. Sounds pretty straightforward, doesn't it?

The same principle applies to the cycle of giving and receiving. If you are giving more than you are receiving, at some point you will not have anything left to give. If you are receiving more than you are giving, at some point there will be no "space" for you to receive anything else.

Have you fallen out of synch with the cycle of giving and receiving? If so, it means that something is out of balance. Either you are not giving enough or you are not receiving enough. Or both. To get things flowing and moving again, you will need to take some action. Here are some ideas that may help you get into action.

If you're not RECEIVING enough, you need to expand your receptivity. It's not about getting others to give you more. The shift comes when you open yourself up to receive more of what is already being given to you. You are missing out on much that is already coming your way!

Here are some things you can do:

1. When someone says something nice to you, ranging from "Great shoes!" to "You are such a blessing in my life," say "Thank you." Do not deflect what they have said -- LET IT IN! Open up your hungry heart and receive this person's appreciation for you.

2. When someone invites you to something, allow yourself to feel included and wanted. Don't look for explanations or complications. Take it at face value.

3. Embrace offers of assistance. When someone asks you what they can do to help you out, don't turn them down. Think of all the ways they might assist you and pick one; then let them help you. Many people refuse help unless they are just about desparate; they fear that if they take help when they don't ABSOLUTELY need it, when they DO need it, it won't be there. But that's not the way the dynamic works. When you consistently refuse help, you stop the flow.

4. Ask for help when you need it. If you need to choose wallpaper and you get overwhelmed in wallpaper stores, call a friend who 'speaks' color and design and ask her to go with you. If you're losing sleep worrying about your 16-year-old son, call a friend with older kids and ask if you can talk through some of your concerns -- or get yourself to a therapist.

5. Remember that as hard as it is for YOU to know what you need, it's that much harder for the people who love you. Help them out. Let them know.

6. You can receive from yourself too! If you're craving some pampering, give it to yourself! If you're lusting to go skiing, get yourself to a ski weekend! Just do it.

7. When you come across something beautiful, such as a sunset, allow its beauty into your thirsty soul. If you witness something that touches, moves, or inspires you, open up your heart fully to receive the experience. Don't 'harumph' it away or rationalize it into dust. Feel it. Your heart needs it. (And to quote Stuart Smalley, the great

8. When you receive a gift, receive the whole gift. Know that the object in your hands is just the last detail in a much longer process. The giver chose to give you something and chose the occasion for giving it. She put thought and energy into figuring out what to get for you. She spent time and money to get it for you and get it TO you. When you receive his gift, open your heart and receive ALL of this: you were very much in her mind and heart throughout the process. Did you know that? Or did you just look at the gift and think, "Oh, I don't need this sweater."? You may not need the sweater. But you do need the gift behind the gift. Let it in.

If you're not GIVING enough, here are some things you can do:

1. Tell the people in your life what you appreciate about them, the things you admire, respect, enjoy, envy, are awed by. I know someone who writes a letter to each of her close friends on Valentine's day and tells them how they enrich her life. You can do something major, like this person does, or you can simply let people know casually, within your daily conversations. You can say, "I so appreciate your sense of humor" or "I admire your commitment to working this through" or "It's so nice to be with you now." Be generous; it will feel great.

2. When you go to someone else's home, do what Depak Chopra suggests in the "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success." Bring them something -- a flower, a prayer, a note of appreciation.

3. Introduce people who could benefit from knowing each other socially or professionally. You may feel awkward the first few times you do this, but it is a completely learnable skill and a wonderful way to be of service to the people in your life.

4. Invite people to your home; give the gift of an event that brings people together.

5. Send people loving thoughts. If you pray or meditate, you can focus some energy on them.

6. Give away stuff you don't use any more: books to your library, clothes and accessories (and that waffle maker you never use) to Big Brother Big Sister or some other re-use organization, special things to friends, stale bread to the birds, and so on.

When you are flowing with the cycle of giving and receiving, it may feel as natural and automatic as breathing. But when you perceive a block in the flow -- such as when you can't get enough "breath" to do what you want to do -- take a closer look. You may need to increase your receiving or your giving.

If you're considering hiring a coach to help you with challenges like these, contact me for an initial consultation at no charge.

Copyright 2003, Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved

Sharon Teitelbaum, http://www.stcoach.com, a Work-Life and Career Coach, works with high achieving women with young children, people at mid-career, and professionals seeking greater career satisfaction and work-life balance. She coaches by phone and in person in Boston. Her newsletter, Strategies For Change, offers practical tips for work-life success.

Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: Restoring Work-Life Balance, Sharon's first book, was published in 2005.

A motivational speaker, Sharon also also delivers keynotes & workshops on work-life issues. Clients include Children’s Hospital Boston, SunLife Financial, Arnold Worldwide, and many parent and alumni groups. She's been featured in national publications including The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, and Working Mother Magazine.

Married for 30 years, she is the mother of two amazing young women.

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