Self Improvement > Happiness > Ill Be Happy When... – Why Postponing Your Happiness Is Self Defeating
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Article rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Author : Gail Seymour
Do you belong to the “I’ll be happy when…” brigade?
Are you, and those around you, constantly looking to some future event, or change in circumstances, for your own happiness? And if so, do you realise how damaging to your long term mental health this kind of comment can be?
Listen to yourself for a day and make a note of the times you say in conversation, “I’ll be happy when…” or something similar.
Suppose you come up with a list something like:
“I’ll be happy when the kids are in full time education.”
“I’d just be happy if he’d stop smoking”
“I’ll be glad when I’ve found another job,” or
“I’d be happy if I could lose 20lb.”
These are common enough statements and ones that on the face of it seem harmless, conveying anticipation of a better emotional state soon to be enjoyed. But look at the implications; all of these statements are subconsciously conveyed simultaneously:
I’m miserable because I don’t like my life circumstances
My happiness depends on those circumstances changing.
In each case, you are subconsciously programming yourself, NOT to be happy, until those conditions are met. So if your kids are two years away from full time education, you’re telling your subconscious to make you miserable for the next two years. Similarly, you’re telling yourself to be miserable until you’ve found another job, until your partner stops smoking, or until you lose 20lb.
Add to this the fact that these kinds of comments actually decrease your chances of finding another job or losing 20lb, and that you have no control over another person’s decision to quit a destructive habit, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Why?
because if you are giving yourself instructions to be miserable until you find another job, you are going to perform at less than your best at interview.
If you are telling yourself to be miserable until you reach your target weight, your chances of comfort eating and lounging around the house are going to be higher than your chances of eating healthily and exercising daily. And if you’re telling yourself “I’d be happy if I could,” you’re silently telling yourself that you don’t believe you can!
But worst of all, if you pin your hopes of happiness on someone else conforming to your standards, you are handing over responsibility for your mental health to another human being, and that can never be good.
So next time you catch yourself starting a sentence, “I’ll be happy when…” stop and think.
Do you really want to be miserable that long?
Try re-phrasing that to:
“I’m looking forward to the kids entering full time education”
“He’d be healthier if he stopped smoking,”
“I’m looking for another job,” or
“I’m fast approaching my target weight.”
Happiness is a choice, not a mood. It does not depend on external circumstances, or events, and need not only be felt when some invisible checklist is complete. If you want to experience higher levels of happiness, give yourself permission to be happy with things as they are first.
You might want to change things in your life, and I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t. But don’t make your happiness contingent on those changes; make it something you own outright.
Gail Seymour is a published Poet and Web Site Designer, who currently runs http://www.payinghobby.com.
Gail doesn't believe people should work long hours, commute, and generally slave for a wage, and have only a few precious hours each week to spare for their passions and pastimes.
She does believe people should do what they love and love what they do on a day to day basis, and that the distinction between work and pleasure is one we should all move towards obliterating.
To find your passion and start your own journey towards personal fulfilment, visit payinghobby.com today and sign up for her free newsletter.
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