If my life were just the total of my experiences then I am half dead. I mean, I've been thought to be dead several times, but I wasn't one of the ones thinking that. If I believed my palm (I learned a bit about reading palms), I died over thirty years ago, since my 'life-line' quits rather abruptly after barely starting across my palm.

If quality of life were all that's important, I wouldn't want to live; but with the occasional glorious moment that appears, I'll stay. I like living; I enjoy the people around me, the feel of my husband's arms around me, the hug of a child or grandchild. I want to be able to know as many great-grandchildren as possible and go to ball games to cheer for my boys, no matter their ages, or my great-granddaughter some day.

Yes, I live with pain every moment of every day; sometimes the extreme agony decreases, but it never leaves. Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromylagia, spondyl arthritis, and severe migraines are more than just words to me; they exist in my body daily, hourly. Does that make me disabled? No, they just make life a bit more challenging, and, yes, at times more difficult. I've had to learn to do some things differently and to learn to ignore other things. My house certainly isn't as spotless as I would like; I don't cook huge meals for my extended family any more; I don't make bread from scratch as I once did. However, I still enjoy a colorful sunset; I use faster film to take photographs; my mind weaves stories as well as ever. I still enjoy life and living.

I stumble more often, even fall a few times, but I've learned to hold God's hand and rely on my own power less. I count my blessings more often and pray for my loved ones more intensely. The losses of a child, of grandchildren, of my parents leave holes that nothing can fill. Therefore, I try to appreciate the loved ones left even more.

Once my life overflowed with things and doings. Now I have to close the faucet partially so that the stream isn't as fast-flowing. Everyday I learn to adapt, even if I'm not a fast learner in that respect. I live my life; I live a full life. I may suffer pain, but I wouldn't want to miss the dance.

Vivian Gilbert Zabel taught English, composition, and creative writing for twenty-five years, honing her skills as she studied and taught. She is a author on Writers ( http://www.Writing.Com/ ), and her portfolio is http://www.Writing.Com/authors/vzabel Her books, Hidden Lies and Other Stories and Walking the Earth, can be found through Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com.

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