Self Improvement > Inspirational > Heal Yourself Through Forgiveness
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Article rating : 0.00, 0 votes. Author : Eve Delunas
I will always remember the moment I first began to forgive my father. It was early
one bright Sunday morning in June and I was driving to San Jose to teach an all day
make-up class in Family Therapy to a group of graduate counseling students. The
day before, I had hastily rented a book on tape about “letting go” to keep me
company during my four-hour round-trip commute. To my surprise, the entire book
was the author’s poignant story of how she had chosen to forgive her father, who
sounded like a carbon copy of my own dad.
As I listened to the writer describe her courageous journey toward acceptance and
healing, I became acutely aware of the bitterness and pain in my heart that I had
kept locked away for decades. I felt my tears begin to wash away the anger, hurt,
and resentment I had carried for so long. I suddenly saw my relationship with my
father in a new way—through the eyes of my greater Self. Looking at the big picture
of my life, I recognized how my dad had been my most important teacher in this
lifetime: coping with his negative behavior towards me both strengthened my sense
of self and deepened my level of compassion for those who are suffering. I also
found my heart softening to the wounded little boy my alcoholic father hid so well
from the world. Lifted by a profound sense of lightness and grace, I could feel the
power of forgiveness working its magic in my very being. It wasn’t until I arrived at
the university that I realized it was Father’s Day.
Forgiveness is our most potent medicine for self-healing. The light of forgiveness
transforms everything it touches. When we forgive, we open the door to miracles in
our lives. To forgive is to let go—to completely release any negative thoughts or
feelings you have been holding toward your self or another. You say goodbye to
hate, resentment, anger, hurt, guilt, and shame. You stop living in the land of “if
only” and start accepting “what is” so you can move forward on your life’s path.
Forgiveness is a powerful choice you make to be whole again.
It is not only in my own life that I have witnessed the power of forgiveness. In my
psychotherapy practice, I have delighted in watching the blessings multiply after my
clients make the courageous choice to let go.
Unfortunately, many people do not avail themselves of the healing power of
forgiveness because of misconceptions they hold. Some common myths about
forgiveness are:
1. The other person has to do something before I can forgive him or her.
If you are waiting for another to recognize he or she has wronged you, you have
placed the power to
heal yourself in someone else’s hands. Take back the power to
set yourself free of the past by choosing to forgive regardless of whether or not the
other ever “sees the light.”
2. If I forgive, I am saying what the other person did was okay.
Forgiveness does not send the message that the other’s bad behavior was okay.
Rather, it is saying that you are not going to continue to dwell on the past and carry
the heavy feelings associated with it. When we lighten our emotional load, we refuse
to allow the past to torment us in the present.
3. I must hold positive feelings for the person I am forgiving.
While forgiveness may help to transmute our pain and anger into compassion for
the other, it is not necessary to replace the negative feelings you have had towards
the other with positive ones. Of primary importance is your willingness to release
the negative energy you have been holding towards a person or situation.
4. Forgiveness is something I do for the other.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It takes a lot of your energy to continue to
hold on to negative feelings toward another. Forgiveness releases this energy so you
can apply it to more constructive and joyful pursuits.
5. If I forgive, I may get hurt again.
You can let go of the past while holding on to what an experience has taught you.
To forgive is to retain the wisdom while releasing the pain associated with the life
lesson.
6. I only need to forgive someone once.
Forgiveness is a process, so you may need to let go more than once. Should the
negative feelings reappear, be gentle with yourself, and choose to release them one
more time.
7. I need to understand why before I can forgive.
Needing to understand why is a trap that can snare you. Life is full of mysteries. You
may never understand the whys which underlie another’s behavior. Don’t let that
prevent you from releasing the past and moving on with your life.
Your inner guidance is forever urging you to choose the path of healing and joy.
When you activate the power of forgiveness, you release any negative hold that the
past has had on you. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness, and watch your life
transform as it becomes a more perfect reflection of the light that you are.
Eve Delunas, Ph.D., psychotherapist, author, speaker, trainer.
Offers proven strategies to help you rise above your limitations and soar.
Breaking the Spell of the Past--Book and Guided Visualization CD set.
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Take a FREE QUIZ to find out if you are SPELLBOUND by your past.
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