My recent trip to Hawaii reminded me of the power of contrasts. One day I was in Watertown, MA, where the natural world is incidental and mild. Two days and two long plane trips later, the dominant and powerful nature of volcanoes, crashing surf, and lush tropical plants filled my senses. The balance and proportions had changed dramatically. Such sudden rearrangements make one stop and look around!

Many people choose to live in Hawaii BECAUSE the natural world is so dominant and magnificent there -- it feeds their souls. It's a tough economy there, so in order to survive, many people work 2 or 3 jobs, and many live at a subsistence level. The people I talked to were quite conscious and intentional about the tradeoffs they were buying into and were at peace with them.

The innkeepers at the Bed & Breakfast where we stayed had glimpsed these options and made major changes in their lives. They'd relocated from Southern California, where they had become increasingly unhappy with the encroachment of urban sprawl into their lives. They sold their home and bought the Hawaii property on which they now run both a B&B and a working coffee and macadamia nut farm. This industrious couple in their 50's work hard in their two businesses, and love the life in Hawaii it affords them. They are conscious of their "new deal" every day, as they meet on their lanai (balcony) at the end of their long work day, and watch the sun set on the Pacific.

Such changes are hard, as many of us adopt a buy-and-hold way of navigating our lives. We figure things out once, and don't keep assessing. I once heard the late folk musician Jim Ringer describe his approach to re-tuning his guitar during a concert: "I just tune the sucker once, and don't look back." Many of us use that approach in our lives. We figure out where to live, how to earn a living, and make hundreds of other decisions about our lives, and then shift into automatic.

We can be caught up short, though, if we start to feel significantly off-course in some way. As citizens of the 21st century, our knee-jerk inclination is to get a new job, find a new lover, or BUY something (anything). But a more constructive approach may be to take a step back and ask ourselves what tradeoffs we are living with, and whether they are still valid for us.

Trade-offs often trail after decision-making. A single mom I know worked for many years in a fast track, high-paying professional job. Recently she realized she no longer wanted the tradeoff of working very long hours for very large income. No longer willing to tolerate having so little time with her daughter, she negotiated a part-time schedule and is learning to live on less income. She is re-crafting her relationship with work, establishing stronger boundaries around it, and expanding her relationship with her child. She's much more at peace with this new arrangement because it aligns better with her current priorities and values.

What tradeoffs have you bought into, and are you at peace with them? It can be very useful to take a look at these every once in a while. Of course there's the risk that you will find that you are off-course somehow, and will need to make some changes. But know that there is also risk to not looking -- you will still be off-course, but you will not be conscious enough to make any changes. Staying unconscious is a lot like a volcano --what's deep within can erupt at any time.

COACHING TIPS:

1. List the trade-offs you are currently living with.

2. Ask yourself if any of them need to be adjusted, either on a large or small scale?

3. If so, brainstorm how the adjustment might look.

4. See if there are any next steps you would be willing to take.

5. If so, take them.

If you're considering hiring a coach to help you with challenges like these, contact me for an initial consultation at no charge.

Copyright 2003, Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.

Sharon Teitelbaum, http://www.stcoach.com, a Work-Life and Career Coach, works with high achieving women with young children, people at mid-career, and professionals seeking greater career satisfaction and work-life balance. She coaches by phone and in person in Boston. Her newsletter, Strategies For Change, offers practical tips for work-life success.

Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: Restoring Work-Life Balance, Sharon's first book, was published in 2005.

A motivational speaker, Sharon also also delivers keynotes & workshops on work-life issues. Clients include Children’s Hospital Boston, SunLife Financial, Arnold Worldwide, and many parent and alumni groups. She's been featured in national publications including The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, and Working Mother Magazine.

Married for 30 years, she is the mother of two amazing young women.

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