Ask any mother what she wants most of all for her children, and she’s likely to say, “I just want them to be happy.” Yet the things that make some teens happy these days (multiple piercings, purple hair, black lipstick) are probably not what their mothers had in mind. My friend Kim’s sixteen-year-old son, Drew, wanted to get a tattoo for years—nothing outlandish or satanic—just a drawing of a sun on his shoulder. After much deliberation, Kim decided he could get it. Drew was a good kid, and Kim felt that if she had to pick her battles, she’d rather win the more important ones such as those involving drugs or smoking. The tattoo could be covered with a shirt and was perfectly legal with parental consent. And, since she gave Drew plenty of time for the novelty of the idea to wear off and he still wanted the tattoo, she knew it wasn’t just a passing fancy. Every generation of teens has its idiosyncrasies that make them unique and help them fit in at the same time.

Teens aren’t the only ones who require us to look beyond our comfort zone in life. People of all ages need to be understanding with each other as well. If a girlfriend or family member wants to do something you think is ridiculous, don’t form an immediate negative judgment. As long as it’s not against the law, doesn’t physically harm the person or others, and isn’t an act of prejudice or violence; open your heart and mind to the person’s motivations, desires and point of reference. Asking questions will help.

Teachers are called upon to have tremendous understanding for children that aren’t their own and whom they may only know for one school season. One of my childhood friends became a special education teacher. Her “kids”, as she calls them, have socio-economic as well as mental challenges. No matter what profanity they yell or violent outburst they have, Diane says she loves teaching them every day. Having an understanding of the challenges they face at home, in life, and in their own heads helps her to see beyond the surface of their actions. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Understanding is a two-way street.” If you take the time to learn more about the subject and engage the other person, you’ll naturally be more educated and tolerant. After all, to understand means to have learned.

5 Ways to Open Your Mind & Heart:

• When your child wants something of which you disapprove, remember how you felt at that age and try to understand her needs.

• Support your friend’s and family’s choices in their lives, even if they seem outrageous to you.

• Before making a negative judgment, talk it over with others and research the topic.

• Respect that each person has free will and needs to express herself in ways that may only make sense to her.

• Life is a series of compromises—try to avoid having the attitude that it’s your way or no way.

Excerpted from the book: The Goddess of Happiness, A Down-to-Earth Guide for Heavenly Balance and Bliss

Debbie Gisonni, aka The Goddess of Happiness™, is an author (The Goddess of Happiness: A Down-to-Earth Guide for Heavenly Balance and Bliss and Vita’s Will: Real Life Lessons about Life Death & Moving On), speaker, happiness expert and columnist for iVillage.com. Contact: http://www.goddessofhappiness.com

Copyright, All Rights Reserved, Debbie Gisonni

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