One of the most important drivers of anyone's life is the idea of succeeding or being a success. Everyone strives to be something, someone or to get somewhere. We are always judging others and ourselves as to whether success has been achieved or not. Our idea of success matters, particularly as our perceptions of it can help us to feel good or feel otherwise.

But what does success really mean? What does success mean to you? Is it about always being first or the top of any and everything you strive for, everything you put effort into?

If you are a teacher does success mean becoming the Headteacher? If you are play chess does success mean becoming county champion? If you are in a business meeting does success mean always being the one who has the most to say?

Also with whatever you are heading in, is it your success that you seek or are you attempting to succeed at something for someone else's idea of what success is? Owning your own life and owning what is important to you is the first step to being a success at what is right for you.

Some people unwittingly fall into the trap of doing things for other people. I don't mean helping other people, what I mean is doing something that will please another person. For instance you no doubt have heard more than one person say something like: -

"I am studying to be an accountant... for my Dad"

"I am training to be a runner because my Mum was a champion runner and she would love to see me be as good as her"

Have you got a similar example of a thought or even a reason that you started out on a particular course in life? If so, you may have found out later on, particularly when you struggled, that actually you weren’t going after your own goals, but were trying to succeed at someone else's idea of what should be your goals and ambitions in life.

Now all your network of well-balanced friends, family and colleagues will want you to succeed. Being well balanced they will want you to succeed at what you want from your life. Anything else will just lead you to feel unhappy and even frustrated especially if you work at achieving success in something that is not your choice. Ultimately you may lose your way and find yourself never finishing anything you start. Procrastination may be a big issue for you too.

The good news is that it is never too late to go after what you want. The time to start is now and not tomorrow. A better understanding of success and particularly what it means to you is a must if you are to lead a happy a fulfulling life. After all no one can live your life but you and being a carbon copy of someone else is not worthy of you. You really do deserve more.

So ask yourself with any goal that you are aiming at, these questions ?

1) Is this goal really my goal?
2) Has someone else told me that this is what I should do and that this is the goal for me parents, teachers, friends) ?
3) How will I feel if I achieve this goal?
4) Who am I doing this goal for ?
5) If you have any doubts about owning your current goal, then what goal would you really want to achieve?
6) If you really had a free hand at choosing what you wanted to do in life and knew without any doubt that all your family and friends would support any decision you made, how would that change your current goals and objectives?

When you think about your answers to the above questions, notice what your immediate reaction is. Stay with each question for a few moments and notice any feelings in your body. If you notice any feelings, notice where they are and what they feel like. Are they comfortable feelings or are they uncomfortable feelings? This will give you a clue as to whether each goal is right for you.

Sometimes you may find that tweaking rather than completely changing a goal will be enough for you to recognise what are healthy goals for you.

Try those questions out with each goal and with some new goals and see what happens. It just might save you a lot of time and angst and help you work towards goals that really are yours and lead you to success that really is for you.

Steven A. Harold
Clinical HYpnotherapist
Success Hypnosis Cd

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