OK so in the last article we talked about Donald and the guilt he felt about having anything. We also pointed out that many people feel this same guilt, although not to such a degree. The good news is that once you realize you feel this way you can change it. Now watch yourself very carefully because, although you may not think you feel guilty, you may. If you find yourself feeling bad about someone else's misfortune, ask yourself 'Is this sympathy or guilt?' Do you think that you should not have what you have because some else has less? Do you find yourself focusing on the ills of the world? Actively work to ensure that your feelings do not include guilt over something you have no control over. For example, I feel very badly for the less fortunate. I find much pleasure in donating to a few charities. I also like to help people on an individual basis with some ideas about how to better their life. I, however, do not believe that because bad things happen to others that I should somehow take that pain from them. That is their pain to deal with. I will help them if I can, but I will not do for them, even if I can.

Anyway, onto this articles topic, previous experiences. This usually shows up in the person who has had everything they wanted and then lost it. The pain of losing what they had is so great that they decide to never feel that pain again, so they refuse to achieve anything, for the fear of losing it. Sometimes this will manifest with someone who acts like they are perfectly happy where they are at, and sometimes it will manifest in someone who tries to get ahead again and just can't. Either way, it is destructive.

As an example of this, I used to work with a guy named Jim when I was in high school. Jim and I were dishwashers at a local diner style restaurant. I was in high school, Jim was in his early 50's. The thing is that Jim used to own 3 carpet stores. He had a, by all accounts, wonderful wife and was making a pile of money. Now, a few years later he was working at a restaurant as a dish washer, making minimum wage and drinking himself to death. What happened?

Well Jim told me what happened one day . He found his wife cheating on him. Although he hid it with colorful language, even a teenage boy could see that it crushed him. I will never forget his words when he told me the story. He said 'So I just said F**K IT! I gave her the stores and left.' He went on to say how much happier he is with his life today. Less stress, and he has everything he needs. His beer and a place to sleep.

Yeah

Here is the problem for Jim, and people like him, they pretend to like their life so they will never change. To change they have to admit they are wrong. I am guessing that you would not be reading this article if that were the case with you. No indeed I am sure that you don't have that problem. I am also sure that their are some people who are reading this article that are sabotaging themselves because they hold an unknown belief that financial or relationship success ultimately leads to loss, and pain.

I am talking about those of you who were married and, when you got divorced, it crushed you. Or those of you that were head over heels in love and when he/she left it crushed you. For those of you that made a bunch of money and then lost the job or had a business go under. For those of you who had it all and it all fell apart. I am talking to you. Do you sometimes say to yourself 'What is the use?'

You are likely destroying your chances without even knowing it, or knowing why.

My book 'The Barbarian's Guide to Success' has several exercises that would have benefited Jim greatly. He may have been able to admit how unhappy he was and worked to get it all back. Unfortunately we will never know. It is too late for Jim, he died several years ago due to complications from alcoholism. If I only had known then what I know now.

Here's to you Jim, you taught me many lessons, but the most important one was not to try and fool myself.

With that I will say:

Get the Barbarian Mind Set and keep it. Stay trú to yourself and your family, the rest will take care of itself.

Welga!

Everte Farnell is a author and speaker and professional coach. In May of 2003 Everte was a divorced broke single father. Two and a half years later Everte is a happily married father of two. The company he and his wife worked to build supplies his family with a six figure income, and his children are happy healthy and well adjusted. He lives a life that many dream of. It is the life that he dreamed of in May of 2003.

In October of 2005 he released his book "The Barbarian's Guide to Success" and is dedicated to helping other realize their dreams. He is a straight forward, politically incorrect, figure and makes very little time for detractors. He often says "So many 'coaches' have made their money by coaching. I do everything I coach. It is important that people know that I have faced or do face the same challenges they face. Life is an integrated process. Your professional life must support your personal and family life and vice versa, otherwise you will never find true success." Everte Can be reached at his web page http://www.successfulBarbarian.com

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