Remember the story of The Three Little Pigs? Of course you do!!

These three little critters were out and about when the “big, bad wolf" showed up. When the pigs saw the wolf, they all ran to the first little pig’s house, which was made of straw. The big, bad wolf huffed and puffed and blew the straw house away. But just in the nick of time, the three little pigs ran off to the second little pig’s house, which was made of sticks.

When the big, bad wolf got there, he again huffed and puffed and blew the stick house away just like the first. The three little pigs frantically ran to the third little pig’s house, which was made of stone.

When the big, bad wolf arrived he could not muster up enough huffing and puffing to budge the stone house...the three little pigs were safe. Furthermore, as long as they used the windows to look through and door to open or keep locked, they were safe...all of which brings us to the forth little pig.

Now this little pig also lived in a house made of stone, but his house was different in that it had no doors or windows. This little pig was most definitely safe, but perhaps too safe, as this little pig had totally disconnected itself from the outer world. Now, lets look at all the boundary dynamics in this story.

The first two little pig’s houses represent “permeable” boundaries. This means that they were insufficient in that they allowed outer influences to have too much control and power, and too little protection. When people have permeable boundaries, they often sustain great loss of energy and identity. They leave themselves vulnerable to get unnecessarily hurt as well.

The forth little pig’s house represents boundaries that are overly rigid and inflexible. Often when people have been severely hurt, or have extreme fear of getting hurt, they over-react to protect themselves and create these rigid boundaries. Yes, they are protected from hurt, but at the same time they live a life of loneliness and isolation.

The third little pig’s house represents firm but flexible boundaries. These boundaries are strong enough to keep out unwanted influences, but with the proper use of the doors and windows, they are flexible enough to discern about allowing anyone in. These are the healthiest boundaries to have.

So perhaps it is a good time to do an inventory of your boundaries.

• Are you letting people influence your life in a way that is negative or draining?
• Do you isolate yourself out of fear of getting hurt?
• Are you clear about acceptable and unacceptable behavior in others?
• Are you happy with your boundaries?

Ken Donaldson has been based in Tampa Bay offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first. Visit his website at http://www.REALationshipCoach.com for more information and sign-up his free e-program Illuminations and Sparks of Brilliance. Ken is also the author of the upcoming book Marry YourSelf First!

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